Life happens while you're busy doing things

I'm not feeling old, but my oldest child turns 20 in 30 days. My second child turns 18 in about 90 days, and the baby turns 10 in about 45 days.

The father of my youngest son is a real assclown

Last night he told me that I willingly gave my things to his sister and didn't expect them to be replaced. I only gave them to her after HE promised to replace them. I have already replaced the washer and dryer and will replace the bed when I get the money saved up for one. I guess we'll see what the judge has to say when I get this ass into court.

I found a new blog I'd love to follow

It's called why women hate men, it's fucking hilarious! It's written by a man, but at least he knows what he's talking about. He posts personal ads he finds online and rips them to shreds.

Thinking about my book

I need to get a notebook and some lead for my mechanical pencil and start on the outline for my book.Write a timeline... thoughts and other ideas.

Brainstorm ideas and such.There is so much swirling in my head just itching to get out.
-
I need to stop treating my depression and anxiety by cutting my hair - the only thing I can do to myself without causing pain.

I'd bankrupt myself if I tried to use shopping therapy. There is so much I need, but don't have the money to replace it.

Book title?

I woke up the other day thinking about a title for an un written book.

"Demons and the MonSter"

It would be autobiographical about my life with depression and Multiple Sclerosis.

...

Not having fun in the snow....

Pulled Nick out of traditional school

Since Nicolas kept trying to ditch school because the problem with bullying wasn't being takenss care of by the school since the bully always denied doing anything to him, I pulled him out of traditional public school. I then enrolled him in the Home Education Program in the school district. He goes to classes for a full day on Mondays and only 2 hours on Wednesdays. He's responsible to do 25 hours of homework during the week, and I have to post online about what he has done at home.

So far, the easiest one to get him to work on is his computer programming class. They work with "Alice" from Alice.org. It's a fun, easy way for kids to program stuff on the computer.

Now to get him to do some of his social studies, language arts, and math homework.

and temps outside are gonna go down.

Now it looks like some kids had a pillow fight and busted open some down pillows. *sigh* ... it had been a good day and now there's a mess in my room...

fabric ripped.

I ripped a hole in my down comforter, I got a couple nightstands and didn't realize one was on the edge of my comforter until I tried to move it and the

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

Twitpic - Share photos on Twitter

Tae and Nicolas in this TwitPic

Twitpic - Share photos on Twitter

Ideas are swirling...

A few weeks ago I had wandered into the local Bead Store. It's a wonderful place and I've bought beads from them before. I noticed an advertisement for workshop/class about working with Precious Metal Clay. A fast easy way to make silver and other precious metal jewelry.

I didn't have the $99 to take the class, but I started looking up information about it online, including the pricing for the medium and firing kilns. What fun!! I think I'll try my hand at making silver jewelry. Something I could do at home and supplement my income.

Multiple Sclerosis - MS Views and News Podcast - Episode #6

Misc ramblings

Here I was getting all worried about the timing of my harvest in FarmVille, that silly game on Facebook. But I wasn't taking into account the fact that I took a 3 hour nap this afternoon.. this worked to my favor, I'm wide awake at nearly 10 pm and harvest time will be around 10:35.

I've been getting some emails from Aaron, the warrior poet. The man that makes me think.. the one who gives great shoulder massages, that work out the knots in my right shoulder. He sends me political stuff.. the most recent one he was talking about putting the money on the state level... I'm still VERY skeptical about our state government. They don't use the money the way they say they were going to, but it's definitely better than giving it to the govt on the national level.

But this means I'm getting all riled up. lol

Aaron is good for my brain.

New thoughts, new ideas..

When at the bead shop the other day I noticed an ad for an upcoming precious metal clay workshop. I would have loved to go to it, but at nearly $100 it was out of my price range. I decided that I would just look into buying the needed supplies and self teach myself. I love working with clay - either modeling or for pottery, so making things out of precious metal clay would be fun!

I could make jewelry and what not and enjoy every minute of it!! I think I need to sit down and talk with Mollie.. she's worked with silver, so she would be a good source of information. I don't know if it was with PMC, but I think it might have been.

It's September!!

Summer is almost over, school for my youngest starts next week. I'll finally have my mornings to myself again.

My divorce is not any closer to being final... I'll be looking into ways to get it finalized and get the jerk to fork out some of the money he owes me! He is paying child support now.. at least he has paid a couple of months worth so far. I need to watch the mail for the guardian ad litem's monthly billing. See if she has had any luck getting into contact with him.

I'll be filing for maintenance... I'll have to get a court order and all that fun stuff again, but I'll just mail the stuff to his work to get it to him. I'm tired of the games and if push comes to shove I'll try to get a court appointed lawyer. I feel like he's dragging this on to punish me, but I'm not allowing myself to be punished.

He was the one who wanted the divorce, why won't he just let me go??

A day at the beach

Richard came over to my place yesterday and after he gave me the most awesome present of totally cleaning my bathroom for me we went to the beach...

We snapped pix with my cell phone and I posted them via Twitter... if you didn't know, I'm @jendie. Any surprise there? There shouldn't be.

Famous and from Mt Vernon, WA...

Is it famous, or infamous? Glenn Beck.. Jim Caviezel.

Are there others? I don't know.

Kids grow up so fast, you don't realize it in the beginning, but then it slaps you upside the head!

I got some great news yeaterday, my 17 year old son got his drivers license. In 7 months he'll be 18 and by the end of May 2011 he'll be out of high school.

Amazon.com

I just added amazon.com to my blog. I get my Kindle books for my G1 from there, so why not?

Life happens..

I met someone new. Someone I enjoyed spending time with.

My divorce seems to be going no where. I haven't heard from the GAL regarding her coming back.

Steve moved in with Sam the week I had the GAL home visit, that means he no longer lives in a studio apt, but he still doesn't have a place of his own. Nicolas still share the bedroom with his dad during the time he visits, but at least now Nic says that he has an air mattress to sleep on instead of sharing the bed with his dad. But still no separate room when at his dad's. I have custody, the kids share a room, but have their own beds. I am on the waiting list for a 3 bedroom apartment, I just don't know when I'll get into one.

This year Justin only spent 3 weeks with me during his summer vacation. I'm not sure when he'll be back up here, either Thanksgiving or Christmas.. I can only dream about both. Since he's having surgery sometime this winter, I know he won't be up here during that time.

Nicolas starts school in a couple of weeks.. Brandon in about a month. Yippee!! more daytime fun for mom.. unless I go back to school.

richard and wendy on Twitpic

richard and wendy on Twitpic

The joys of the internet

I found some Multiple Sclerosis related things on the internet and decided to put them in my blog. I did not make them, but I found them either amusing or informative. The "Wheelchair Kamikaze" things are fun. He has a great sense of humor and I love watching his newest episodes.

I wouldn't mind going out for bagels with him if I were ever in New York City.

The Multiple Sclerosis Rollercoaster

The Multiple Sclerosis Rollercoaster

Wheelchair Kamikaze: In Search Of Audrey Hepburn

Wheelchair Kamikaze: In Search Of Audrey Hepburn

Sitting with only my thoughts to entertain me. Yet again I've allowed a man to hurt me, not physically, but emotionally

19 April 2010

Evasiveness, suspect comments, things that just don't add up.
I'm already dealing with having been lied to, by a person who hides behind words.
Telling me that you love and miss me, but then don't want to talk to me...
Getting injured in a way that you can't help after you offered to,
I have enough stuff on my plate, I don't have time for this garbage.

I'm starting to think it's time to cut my losses and start fresh...
... yet again.

I am unhappy at the moment, but I don't need to let him have that much power over me.
It's time to start again, with a new or revised cast of characters.

Wendy

It's hard to trust someone when they have lied to you, tried to conceal things from you because they are or were feeling guilty about their actions.

Words are just words when actions prove otherwise.

Two Friends - Writings in Sand and Stone

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE


THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND,

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE..

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH.

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE"

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE FRIEND REPLIED
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT"

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON,
AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM,
A DAY
TO LOVE THEM,
BUT THEN,

AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.

SEND THIS TO
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET.
I JUST DID.

TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS
YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE
WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE!

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is
fighting some kind of battle."

Rules in a relationship and broken rules.

The person I'd been seeing since February cheated on me on the day I saw the lawyer about my divorce stuff. I found out about it the next day after he posed a supposedly hypothetical question. We had talked about sleeping with other people, but only if the other was around when it happened. He made up these rules and didn't abide by them.

I'm not happy... feeling like trust has been broken.

Wendy

Trust has been broken...

Finally have a court date...

This isn't a final court date that results in dissolving the marriage, but it is to get a judge to approve a temporary parenting plan. The date is set for May 3rd at 9:30 am. I had sent the other party copies of the legal paperwork I'd filed - amended parenting plan, statement for my parenting plan, and notice of court date. That should have arrived at his place yesterday, whether he has it I don't know, but I'll just sit back and wait to see.

For now I'll just keep living my life the way I have been, seeing Nicolas from Friday after he gets out of school until the following Monday morning when he leaves for school. Which reminds me that I need to get Nic's medicaid coupon in his backpack so he'll have it on Thursday for his dental cleaning appointment.

It has taken me this long because I have been waiting to talk to legal counsel first, which I did the day before I filed. Saw the lawyer on the 14th, filed and mailed the paperwork to Steve on the 15th.

The 90 day period that's required to get a divorce in the state of WA ends on May 10th. If Steve doesn't fit at the hearing regarding the parenting plan, I'll see how soon we can get a hearing for the divorce.


The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter, but that doesn't mean a landslide won't happen before I get there.

Grrrrrrr... I need a lawyer

The father of my youngest son is being such a jerk. He wants to drag this out in court, I can just feel it in my bones. He's doing things he shouldn't.. like NOT claiming the pick-up truck that was bought during the marriage as a marital asset. He wants everything that's in his name only to go to him.. the vehicles are in HIS name because he didn't put me on the registration or title of either vehicle though we were married when they were bought.

He wants me to have to pay for all the bills that were in my name only.. like PSE and Comcast, though they were incurred during the marriage.. before he moved out. I'm fine with being responsible for the stuff that I've incurred after he left, but why the hell should I have to take up his slack????? HE'S the one who wanted to be in charge of paying the bills... he took the checkbook away from me back when we still lived in out first apartment in Anacortes. He got pissed because he had a credit card bill that I didn't pay... but that was because there wasn't enough money in the account to cover that payment.

He only tolerated my family because they paid for things for me or the kids... that way he didn't have to. But when Kimmi died and we moved back to WA, he became more of a jerk to me.

Now my mom has been diagnosed with MS and has stopped working. Things had gotten so bad for her that she couldn't work and was forced to retire early.

I'm suck in this kind of warped limbo... I need to find a lawyer. Someone who knows family law well enough to stick it to the jerk who promised to love, honor, and cherish me  in sickness and in health ... until things got tough. He went into this marriage knowing I had MS, knowing I already had two kids... this is just bullshit.

Wendy

Yay

Yeah

Steven has gotten the stuff started for our divorce. I think I need to talk to an attorney about some of the stuff in the papers he submitted... and some of the stuff he left out. I'm not going to just roll over and let him get away with more crap.

UNREGISTER
nicebutevil91

From an Old Woman to a Young Woman -- reposted from a Craigslist posting

From an Old Woman to a Young Woman
Date: 2009-09-01, 1:22PM PDT

1. You are not a victim. No matter what happens to you, don't take the pussy route and blame the world for your misfortune. If you were sexually assaulted, verbally abused, etc and lived to tell about it; take your pain and help those who need it. Writing emo poetry isn't going to solve anything.

2. Invest in your education first, your looks second. Anyone can pay a plastic surgeon to look hot, but not everyone can read a book and do simple math.

3. No matter what you call it, having a 'man to take you shopping' is glorified prostitution. He wants you for your body, you want him for his wallet. Cut the crap and call it what it is.

4. Do not seek confidence in other people. Magazines, celebrities and most pop influences are there to make you feel like you're nothing. Don't buy into it. Those celebrities need your money to look fabulous. Invest in yourself, not hype.

5. Stop fueling gossip mongers [Perez Hilton, TMZ.]. They have nothing to talk about and if you follow them for long, neither will you.

6. Be modest; why have all your goods unwrapped and leave nothing for the imagination?

7. Know the difference between fucking and love. There is a major difference and if you don't know it, pick up a book or ask someone who does.

8. Do not have children just because you're lonely or insecure. Your child will end up hating you for it and you won't get the emotional blanket you hoped you'd get.

9. Get a job. Seriously. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean that you are excused from work. Find a trade, get a job. If you are a house wife, be a good one. If you are a career woman, put your heart into what you do.

10. A respectable companion is rarely at a 'bar' or da club'. These places are meat markets and will only set you up for a douchebag or a wimp. If you go, refer to rule 7.

11. Learn to cook. Cooking is a dying skill that needs not be. You'd be surprise how much weight you lose and how you can get a decent companion if you know more than picking up a phone and calling for dinner.

12. Get off your phone. If it's not your best friend, your job or your family, your cackling is not important and the rest of the world does not want to hear it. Listen more. Talk less.

13. Stop putting so much of your money into things [purses, shoes, make up] and start putting it into a savings account, a 401k or an IRA. Those shoes are not going to vest when you turn 65.

14. Stop using men to get you stuff. Have some self respect and buy your own drinks, meals and entertainment. A date will respect you more if you show them you are not helpless.

15. Perfume and baby powder does not make up for good hygiene. Shower, do your laundry, clean your place. Body odor is not excusable for either genders.

16. If you are a Lesbian, respect yourself and stop trying to find acceptance in the world. 9/10 they will not accept you. Tell them 'fuck you' and be your own woman.

17. If you are a Lesbian, you are not anymore special or important than anyone else. You love other women and you have that right, but do not flex your preference thinking it makes you unique. Your mind and experiences make you unique, either gay or straight.

18. Buy clothes that fit. Be tasteful with your clothing be you big or small.

19. Don't eat for comfort, vomit to make yourself beautiful, and starve yourself to feel loved. Exercise, be sensible with your food choices, don't deprive yourself but never eat too much. The quickest way to a size 30, and to the grave, is past your teeth.

20. If they say the love you, ask them to earn your heart through good deeds, genuine kindness and respect.

21. Romance is not dead; but if you're not willing to give it, don't expect it in return.

22. Stop being a bitch to other women and other people. If you are not happy, go get therapy. No one deserves to be berated because you don't have the guts to berate yourself.

23. Do something new every day. Pole dance to learn about your sensuality, paint to express your creativity, write a blog to express your soul. Evolve and never stop learning.

24. Look in the mirror everyday and smile at what you see.

25. Stay safe. Learn to defend yourself against one or multiple attackers. Jackals do not attack if they see a big stick. If all else fails, run. There is no shame in running if it keeps you safe.

26. Love yourself. Always. When you love yourself to the fullest, the world will open with opportunities

This is a drawing I did in Junior high... I was 14.

I went to the beach today... it was the first time in quite a while that I got to go look for some rocks to tumble after I finally get my repaired rock tumbler back, sometime later this week.. yippee!!

Wendy

Control

I snapped today... cut more of my hair off.
Picked up things in the living room.
Took out the trash...
Took out the recycling...

Maybe I should take some valium... the prescription is to help control some of my spasticity issues, but my mind is racing. I haven't had breakfast yet... my bowl of multigrain Cheerios and blueberries is sitting next to me... The Rose Bowl is playing on the television...

My book is sitting on the arm of the chair...
and I'm playing on the computer...

This is crazy! I don't like this feeling of loss of control in my life... so what do I do??

I chop off my hair.

I need to call my mom to see if she can get it nicer looking... make sure everything is evened out. My hair has gotten a lot more curlier/wavier over the past few months. I think this is adding to my anxiety... feeling of loss of control.

I need a vacation...

Wendy